It was only a dream...

My internal government, it seems, has been hard at work over the last few days. Due to long-term environmental pollution, erosion of topsoil, mismanagement of resources, and the recent unforeseen terrorist attacks, congress decided today that it's time to take action. Its first duty must, of course, be to maintain border security and protect precious natural resources from the threat of ill-intentioned outside forces.

For years, the administration has managed to hide its lack of ability to properly manage foreign affairs behind a flurry of feel-good Pork Barrel projects. Although long-term positive relations are being maintained with many friendly neighboring states, it would appear that the process of building strategic alliances with new global partners proves to be far too daunting a challenge. As such, a bill was introduced over the weekend to limit the powers of the executive branch in matters of foreign policy. The debate was lengthy and heated, but in the end, enough votes were garnered to override any threat of executive veto. As of this evening, my friends, there is a new law in the land.

From this point forward, the administration is hereby prohibited from all official negotiations involving partnerships with any nation governed by y chromosomes (the y's). Time and time again, this branch of government has proved itself to be reckless, irresponsible, and inexcusably corrupt in its choices of allies; the results of which are a startlingly low domestic approval rating, a myriad of national security loopholes, and a general malaise affecting approximately 72.6% (+/-2%) of the population. Although participation in goodwill events will continue (i.e. peacekeeping activities, major sporting events, and Olympic Games), pursuit of formal ties with any of the y's will be strictly prohibited.

This is not to say that all y governments are corrupt - only that the current administration has failed to act in a prudent manner while choosing the ones with whom they will conduct business. Because it has a history of aligning itself with unsavory y's, the authority of the executive branch in such matters is hereby terminated.

Note that properly documented y's are still welcome to visit and experience many of the wonders of our land for short periods, as outlined in their visa paperwork. Certain secure vital locations (such as nuclear reactors, water supplies, and centers of government influence) will be off-limits to foreigners until further notice.

If circumstances should change at any point in the future, new legislation will be introduced within sixty (60) days of receiving written proof of administrative competency from an independent council appointed by congressional leaders. Such a bill may provide for relief, remedy, or revocation of current guidelines, as is deemed appropriate at the time.

The constitutionality of this law is already under the careful scrutiny of key justices of the Supreme Court. A formal ruling is expected within days. Procedural clarification and final guidance are expected to follow shortly thereafter. In the meantime, any affected y's must refrain from filing any formal protests, amendments, or grievances until such time that they are officially notified of the opportunity to do so.

Your cooperation and understanding are appreciated. As world citizens, your opinions are valued and welcomed as a part of our overall strategy to create a better world for our citizens, their families, and loved ones.