About Me

Living life one dream at a time.

Words of the Wise

"What after all is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean."
-Christopher Fry, The Lady's not for Burning

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
-Mary Anne Radmacher

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
-Erica Jong

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you...We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us; It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Nelson Mandella, 1994 Inaugural Speech

"Until this moment I had believed forgiveness to be a special virtue, a beneficence God expected of good people. But it wasn't that at all. Forgiveness was an instinct, a desperate impulse to stay connected to the people you needed, no matter what their betrayals."
-Monica Wood, My Only Story

"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
-Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them—words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried when you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for the want of a teller but for the want of an understanding ear."
-Stephen King

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-Neil Gaiman, Sandman: The Kindly Ones

"Being always overavid, I demand from those I love a love equal to mine which, being balanced people, they cannot supply."
-Sylvia Ashton-Warner

"What I need is someone who will make me do what I can."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


"You know, when you crawl that far down into the abyss, you really shouldn't bring stuff back up with you. Some things are meant to live in the dark. Your blog is like one of those fish with no eyes. Only slightly more disturbing."
Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Christmas Spirit

4:05 PM | Posted by Christine | Edit Post
reposted from 12/14/2006

I was finally hit with the Christmas Spirit tonight. Upside the head, like a ton of bricks. It was so cool.

My grandpa called, and we got into the same argument we have every year. It's a tradition...kind of like bad fruitcake, or a hand-knit sweater. I look forward to it, and I always provoke it. It's like clockwork.

It all started when I asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

"Oh, don't you go buying me anything!" He yells. "I don't need anything, and if I do need something, I just go out and buy it! Save your money and spend it on your son."

"But Grandpa," I complain. "You have always taken care of us. Isn't there anything you want?!"

"No! I don't want you to go doing anything. If you spend money on me, I'm just going to be mad at you. You don't want me to be mad at you on Christmas, do you?"

"No," I sigh. "I don't want you to be mad. But can't you just think of something small so I don't fee bad?"

"Well...." he hesitates at this point. He always does. And this is where the fun begins. "you aren't making pies this year, are you?"


Am I making pie. pffffft.

And so the negotiations are under way. After fifteen minutes of intense dickering, I have my list.

One pie - pumpkin, frozen in individual slices
One pie - apple, with streusel topping, also frozen
Two dozen cookies - heavy on the chocolate chips
Chicken stew - extra carrots, no corn, frozen in single serving containers.
Banana bread - just a whole loaf. It will be gone within a day, anyway.

Cooking and baking these things will be the highlight of my season, because I know he will delight in it all. He doesn't eat enough anymore, and never has home-cooked food in the house. He'll invite his buddy over for lunch, and only give him a half a piece of pie. Then he'll have two pieces for himself later. With fat-free cool whip. I don't know why it's fat-free cool whip. It just always is.

You see, this is the man who, to this day, will slip me $20 every time he sees me, so that I can get myself some ice cream. When I visit, he fills my car with gas and cleans the windows. He still tweaks my ear, and expects my tongue to pop out when he does it. He calls to tell me dirty jokes about nuns. He hugs me so tightly that I fear for my ribs, and kisses my forehead so I smell like cherry-flavored certs all day.

And he lets me bake for him, because it's the thing he misses most about my grandma.

My Christmas wish is for all of you to have someone to love you like that.

Happy Holidays

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