It was only a dream...

Yes, I talk about ice cream a lot. Such is life.

So we walk in and order two small vanilla cones dipped in chocolate. We sit in a booth and chit-chat a bit, giggling and being silly.

Yes, we're often silly. Don't look so surprised.

Then, as was bound to happen, two people walk in. A woman and her daughter, I was guessing. They walk up to the counter, and the woman asks the girl what she wants.

The girl looks the girl-in-the-Dairy-Queen-apron in the eye and says, "I want ice cream with a hard on."

The entire store falls silent, except for my A. He keeps talking about how he plans to read his future in the soap bubbles in the shower (he's mine. He can't help being a bit odd).

But the rest of the store is dead-quiet. The woman is stunned. She asks hesitantly for clarification as apron-girl tries to pick her jaw up off the floor.

Girl says again (a bit belligerently this time) to woman, "I want it with the hard-on. You know!"

Obviously, she doesn't know. Neither does apron-girl. Nor do I, but I'm the only one getting the giggles.

It's tough to keep that sort of thing under control once it starts. Especially with A looking at me as if I've lost my mind.

The debate rages between woman, girl and apron for a few minutes, as everyone starts to think that there must be some HEART-shaped sprinkle to go on top of which we've been previously unaware. You know, ice cream with a heart on it. Something like that.

I can't breathe. My face is turning red, and my entire body is shaking. Tears are threatening to run down my face. I dab at my eyes with the napkin.

Then, as if in slow motion, short turns to A and I. She points at A. She says...

"I want the hard on, just like his!!!"

I swear to you, I can't help it. The uncontrollable, nearly sobbing laughter escapes. I try to cough to cover it up, but that only makes it worse. The bewildered look on A's face is more than I could possibly hope to handle. He thinks I've gone stark-raving mad.

"What?!" he mutters angrily under his breath. "So she wants her cone dipped in chocolate, too...what's so funny about that? You're embarrassing me. Could you please stop?"

At this point, apron figures it out. Woman does too, obviously, and practically throws money across the counter. Apron makes the cones in record time, and woman and girl fly out the door.

I'm still shaking. The occasional giggle escapes, but I try to control myself. Until I look at apron, who is still staring out the door as if she's been hit by a truck. Then I lose it all over again.

Ice cream with a hard-on. I'm still laughing now, just thinking about it.

A makes me leave the store shortly thereafter. He shakes his head and says to me, "You know, I wonder about you sometimes. It really wasn't that funny."

I'm just proud that I resisted the temptation to tell apron that I wanted MY ice cream that way too, but my odds looked pretty slim. Honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Life is too damn funny.

I think I need another napkin...