.jpg)
Monday, December 3, 2007
Nutshell philosophies
10:06 PM | 
Posted by
Christine
I was talking with my best friend, R, tonight. She's been going through a lot over the last year or so, and there have been stretches in which we haven't spoken at all...for months, even. As she lives in Pennsylvania, it's not like I can just drop in and check on her whenever I feel like it. But when one of us really needs the other, we're always there.
That's the great thing about best friends. You don't HAVE to talk all the time. You can always just pick up where you left off.
Over the last month or two, we've been catching each other more often, which is good. And tonight, we talked about what's been going on, what we've both been up to, and how bizarre our lives are. We came up with a few conclusions.
1. Everyone in the world really is fucked up in one way or another. Don't believe me? Think of the ten people to whom you are closest, and do the math. They all have their own special freakiness, don't they?
2. The key to life is surrounding yourself with people whose fucked-up-ed-ness you can identify with. Whose odd little tendencies are not only tolerable, but almost endearing? Those should be your friends, lovers, and confidants. Find them, hold on to them. Forever.
3. Everyone also has their own insecurities. They get us in a lot of trouble, don't they? We tend to talk about those ad nauseum, and focus on how we need to get past them. On the flip side, however, are the little vanities that are equally dangerous. We tell ourselves, "Hey, I can do this! I can make this (job, relationship, situation) work. I'm good enough to do this, and nobody can stop me!" What we tend to forget is that there are some things that can be done, but shouldn't. We confuse strength with stamina. Sure, you can do it....but can you do it for an extended period of time? And do you want to? (We focused mainly on relationships, but I have to be fair and apply it across the board. Really, though, think about how many relationships begin with an assumption that a person's idiosyncrasies drive you nuts...but you just know that you can put up with them if you try hard enough?)
4. Communication is a lot harder than it looks. Deciding how much to say is always the biggest issue, I think. You can't bottle everything inside forever, because it's likely to fester. You also can't just spew out every thought that comes to mind...because then you lose credibility and perspective. If you're always talking, then the important things get lost in the shuffle.
5. Remember, fun is the center of dysfunction.
6. If you can't make a decision, it's often best not to force it. Wait until you have enough facts, and a clear enough mind, to take a position. More often than not, the right answer will come to you, given enough time.
7. Ice cream is good for the soul.
8. A good friend is someone who sees you for who you are, and not what you present to the world. R made it a point to laugh after telling me that if she didn't know me better, she'd think I was some kind of superwoman. (I laughed, too. It's actually pretty funny.) "You work hard, you raise a child, you are always going to these soirées, board meetings, social events...and your house is always clean! If they only knew that you go home and lay awake all night with neurotic worry, and just how screwed up your view of the world is, their image of you would be blown." I love her for that, because she can say such things completely without malice - and my fucked-up-ed-ness is endearing to her (and vice versa).
9. The people we love can be taken from us at any time without notice. Cherish them. (I've been thinking of this one a lot lately. It seems I've seen more than my share of death and dying lately. I'd like it to stop soon, please.)
10. You can't always be you. Sometimes, life throws you curve balls, and it throws you off kilter. You have to adapt to the situation and deal with it...but you can't forget who you are in the process, because sooner or later, those inherent traits that make you you will find a way back in. No matter how you change and grow, some things just are. Hold on to them, because they're the reasons that the people closest to you love you.
Now it's time for me to go lay in bed and worry...lol. If you have a bottle of wine, feel free to stop by and share neuroses!
That's the great thing about best friends. You don't HAVE to talk all the time. You can always just pick up where you left off.
Over the last month or two, we've been catching each other more often, which is good. And tonight, we talked about what's been going on, what we've both been up to, and how bizarre our lives are. We came up with a few conclusions.
1. Everyone in the world really is fucked up in one way or another. Don't believe me? Think of the ten people to whom you are closest, and do the math. They all have their own special freakiness, don't they?
2. The key to life is surrounding yourself with people whose fucked-up-ed-ness you can identify with. Whose odd little tendencies are not only tolerable, but almost endearing? Those should be your friends, lovers, and confidants. Find them, hold on to them. Forever.
3. Everyone also has their own insecurities. They get us in a lot of trouble, don't they? We tend to talk about those ad nauseum, and focus on how we need to get past them. On the flip side, however, are the little vanities that are equally dangerous. We tell ourselves, "Hey, I can do this! I can make this (job, relationship, situation) work. I'm good enough to do this, and nobody can stop me!" What we tend to forget is that there are some things that can be done, but shouldn't. We confuse strength with stamina. Sure, you can do it....but can you do it for an extended period of time? And do you want to? (We focused mainly on relationships, but I have to be fair and apply it across the board. Really, though, think about how many relationships begin with an assumption that a person's idiosyncrasies drive you nuts...but you just know that you can put up with them if you try hard enough?)
4. Communication is a lot harder than it looks. Deciding how much to say is always the biggest issue, I think. You can't bottle everything inside forever, because it's likely to fester. You also can't just spew out every thought that comes to mind...because then you lose credibility and perspective. If you're always talking, then the important things get lost in the shuffle.
5. Remember, fun is the center of dysfunction.
6. If you can't make a decision, it's often best not to force it. Wait until you have enough facts, and a clear enough mind, to take a position. More often than not, the right answer will come to you, given enough time.
7. Ice cream is good for the soul.
8. A good friend is someone who sees you for who you are, and not what you present to the world. R made it a point to laugh after telling me that if she didn't know me better, she'd think I was some kind of superwoman. (I laughed, too. It's actually pretty funny.) "You work hard, you raise a child, you are always going to these soirées, board meetings, social events...and your house is always clean! If they only knew that you go home and lay awake all night with neurotic worry, and just how screwed up your view of the world is, their image of you would be blown." I love her for that, because she can say such things completely without malice - and my fucked-up-ed-ness is endearing to her (and vice versa).
9. The people we love can be taken from us at any time without notice. Cherish them. (I've been thinking of this one a lot lately. It seems I've seen more than my share of death and dying lately. I'd like it to stop soon, please.)
10. You can't always be you. Sometimes, life throws you curve balls, and it throws you off kilter. You have to adapt to the situation and deal with it...but you can't forget who you are in the process, because sooner or later, those inherent traits that make you you will find a way back in. No matter how you change and grow, some things just are. Hold on to them, because they're the reasons that the people closest to you love you.
Now it's time for me to go lay in bed and worry...lol. If you have a bottle of wine, feel free to stop by and share neuroses!
0 comments: