It was only a dream...

Renee called a week or two ago, raving about a book she bought. This is not a common occurrence for her, as she's one of those crazy-busy-just-enough-free-time-to-breathe kind of people. Plus she's not terribly excitable. So I was moderately intrigued.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be a book that Oprah has raved about time and time again. Honestly? I think I'd generally rather dig my eyes out with a spork than join Oprah's book club. Call me a non-conformist. It's just one of those things. I smiled and nodded, and thought it was delightful for her.

She called back a few days later. "Have you read the book?" Um, no. I hadn't read the book. I haven't ordered mashed potatoes from KFC in ages, and am therefore running low on my spork supply. Sorry, but it's probably not going to happen. But really, I'm glad it's working out. That's fabulous.

Another few days, and the phone rings again. "You have to get the book," she says. By this point, I'm actually kind of intrigued. Since when does she feel so strongly about something that she insists I do it? Pretty much never. I decide it may not kill (or blind) me to check it out.

Today I found myself with my entire to-do list completed by early afternoon. I am on vacation this week, so that list included such gems as packing a box for mailing, washing the wine glasses in the sink, and napping. At 1:30 this afternoon, after deciding that sleeping 12 out of the last 24 hours was enough, I felt the need to get out of the house and forage for some food. First, though, I would stop by Barnes & Noble and see what all of the fuss was about with this book.

Oh, the title? Yeah. He's Just Not That Into You. *cue ominous music here* Written by a guy, aimed at smart, pretty women who just don't get it. Interesting concept, despite the Oprah endorsement.

I arrived at B&N, did my best furtive/nonchalant mosey into the self-help section, grabbed the book, and found a big comfy chair to sit in. I figured I would leaf through it, just to see if it was worth buying. After all, I wasn't about to spend $21.95 on something that didn't come with its own spork without at least taking a peek at it first.

Surprisingly enough, it was pretty funny. And thoughtful. And probably pretty accurate. And although it didn't change my life like I think it did Renee's, it reinforced a few things that I have known all along, neglected far too often, and have been starting to contemplate again as of late.

The one paragraph synopsis...

People do what they want to do (I actually said that to someone very recently...how apropos). You'll know when a man is into you, because he'll TELL you that he's into you. Excuses, disappearances, and bad behavior are, almost without fail, attempts to avoid admitting he's not really all that interested. Women, however, are pretty dumb sometimes. It's not rare for men to even say, "You know what, I'm not really interested..." and women to hear something totally different, like, "maybe I'll be interested if you wait long enough." (guilty as charged, I am ashamed to admit). If someone wants to be with you, they will make the time. Wild horses won't stop a guy from showing a girl he's really interested in that he wants to be with her. Women need to stop making excuses for men who aren't interested. It's not a character flaw. It's just the way the world works. Move on, and look for a better situation...because when it's right, you'll know.

So you know what? I ended up taking a lot of this to heart. I remind myself of the following:

• If he's not calling, you, it's because you are not on his mind.
• If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's okay with disappointing you.
  
• Don't be with someone who doesn't do what they say they're going to do.
• If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
• "Busy" is another word for "asshole". "Asshole" is another word for the guy you're dating.
• You deserve a fucking phone call.

Yeah, I read the whole book while sitting in the big comfy chair, and ended up buying a copy for a friend of mine. If nothing else, it's food for thought. Men aren't evil, and they aren't stupid. Women just don't always understand that they are very different from us. We have to stop imposing our own ideas onto their actions. If he's into you, you'll know. Lying to yourself doesn't do anybody any good, after all.

He's Just Not That Into You
(Go ahead, click the link. You know you want to...it's a quick, fun excerpt. No spork required).