About Me

Living life one dream at a time.

Words of the Wise

"What after all is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean."
-Christopher Fry, The Lady's not for Burning

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
-Mary Anne Radmacher

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
-Erica Jong

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you...We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us; It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Nelson Mandella, 1994 Inaugural Speech

"Until this moment I had believed forgiveness to be a special virtue, a beneficence God expected of good people. But it wasn't that at all. Forgiveness was an instinct, a desperate impulse to stay connected to the people you needed, no matter what their betrayals."
-Monica Wood, My Only Story

"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
-Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them—words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried when you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for the want of a teller but for the want of an understanding ear."
-Stephen King

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-Neil Gaiman, Sandman: The Kindly Ones

"Being always overavid, I demand from those I love a love equal to mine which, being balanced people, they cannot supply."
-Sylvia Ashton-Warner

"What I need is someone who will make me do what I can."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


"You know, when you crawl that far down into the abyss, you really shouldn't bring stuff back up with you. Some things are meant to live in the dark. Your blog is like one of those fish with no eyes. Only slightly more disturbing."
Sunday, June 22, 2008

Yay!!

4:31 PM | Posted by Christine | Edit Post
After spending two and a half weeks with his grandparents in southern Illinois, A finally came home today.

My house feels like home again...for a week, at least, before he heads off to visit my parents.

This summer is a challenge, because I'm quite unhappy with the babysitter situation - A is turning 12, and he hates going to her house to hang out with the 'little kids'; and I'm not terribly happy with many of the life choices she's made recently. Truth is, I don't want him there much, either. But at his age, it seems like a futile exercise in humiliation to get him set up at a new babysitter for just a couple of months before school starts back up. He'll be in junior high this fall, and I've promised to let him stay by himself after school at that point.

So he's looking for places to go and things to do over the summer. Several weeks with each set of grandparents, a week of vacation with me, a week with dad, and as much time as he can spend with friends. Unfortunately, that means I'll see very little of him between now and the end of August. I know he enjoys traveling, and it's good for his adventurous little soul, but it's a lot harder on me than I'll publicly admit. When he is gone, my house is too quiet, and my life lacks a certain structure that only parenting can provide me.

Yeah, I'll admit it. I've spent the last two weeks living off of Jamba Juice, instant oatmeal, and Jimmy John's sandwiches. It's nothing to be proud of, but I won't be bothered to cook for just myself.

I plan on soaking up as much of him as I possible can over the next week...and then Saturday night, we're having the big birthday party at his dad's house. I tell you, I love that boy with everything that I have. Just by existing, he's given me all of the reasons I've ever needed to make something of myself and set an example for him to grow into a healthy, productive, loving adult. He's my world.

Not to mention the fact that he's the funniest person I know. We'll consider that a bonus.



A - "Mom, why do you think that Hardee's restaurants are only in the south these days? They used to be everywhere."

Me - "I dunno. Maybe they're just so unhealthy that everyone in the north that ate there died."

A - "Yeah. I bet they all had Hardeetacks."

Me - Groan.

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