About Me

Living life one dream at a time.

Words of the Wise

"What after all is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean."
-Christopher Fry, The Lady's not for Burning

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
-Mary Anne Radmacher

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
-Erica Jong

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you...We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us; It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Nelson Mandella, 1994 Inaugural Speech

"Until this moment I had believed forgiveness to be a special virtue, a beneficence God expected of good people. But it wasn't that at all. Forgiveness was an instinct, a desperate impulse to stay connected to the people you needed, no matter what their betrayals."
-Monica Wood, My Only Story

"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
-Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them—words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried when you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for the want of a teller but for the want of an understanding ear."
-Stephen King

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-Neil Gaiman, Sandman: The Kindly Ones

"Being always overavid, I demand from those I love a love equal to mine which, being balanced people, they cannot supply."
-Sylvia Ashton-Warner

"What I need is someone who will make me do what I can."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


"You know, when you crawl that far down into the abyss, you really shouldn't bring stuff back up with you. Some things are meant to live in the dark. Your blog is like one of those fish with no eyes. Only slightly more disturbing."
Monday, June 16, 2008

Karma's a bitch.

1:32 AM | Posted by Christine | Edit Post
I'm trying to think of a clever, witty spin to put on all of the bad things that have happened this past week.

It's not working.

If anyone had any ideas on how to make the following things funny, throw them out there.

  • Carpenter ants living in my house
  • A flooded, mildew-stench filled basement
  • Cleaning out gutters on a metal stepladder at 6 am on a Sunday morning during a thunderstorm
  • A 14 hour day in South Bend, IN
  • Watching a friend with a 20% chance of surviving cancer as he naps on your couch
  • Having the bottom of an extension ladder upon which you're standing to paint a cathedral ceiling slide several feet across the floor, nearly hurtling you 20 feet down face-first into the ground (and considering yourself lucky that you ended up only beating the shit out of yourself against the ladder, bruised and bloody as you end up at a 45 degree hoping someone comes to hold it steady before you fall the rest of the way)
  • Being so sore and covered in bumps and bruises that you seriously consider canceling uber-cool plans for Monday
  • A kid who has been off on vacation visiting grandma that loves you very much, but is having so much fun that he's only talked to you for a grand total of 5 minutes in the last week and a half
  • Making (above-referenced uber-cool) plans to play hooky on Monday to do something wonderfabulsome, looking forward to it all week long like it's your last hope of sanity, and then having it fall apart at 12:30 Sunday night
  • Having a 400 pound gorilla sitting on your chest at 2am, not being able to sleep, and knowing that you now have to be up for work in three and a half hours because the aforementioned plans canceled
Come on, people. Help me out here. I need to make this funny. There has to be a way.

If anyone posts a comment along the lines of, "Aw, I'm sorry you had a shitty week. Hope it gets better soon!" I will come rip your arms off and beat you with them.

Funny, damn it. Make me laugh.

I need funny.

4 comments:

Jonathan Ahl said...

I'll give it a try...

You are so awesome that even the houseguests of ants, mold, cancer, lonliness, a chest-crushing gorilla and an attack stepladder all had a good time at Casa de Christine.

I got nuthin for the cancelled plans.

June 16, 2008 at 6:06 AM
Christine said...

Not bad. And in the light of day, I suppose I can almost laugh at the extension ladder thing, even though that was the scariest one. It happened at Mark's house, where I was helping him paint. Maybe he's trying to kill me again, like that time about 13 years ago when he caught me on fire.

Nothing's funnier than a slow, methodical macabre murder, right?

June 16, 2008 at 6:44 AM
Whirledpeas said...

Oh buck up there sugar. Things could be much worse. Your legs could be held on with velcro.

Or if you want, we can go ahead and do that.

June 16, 2008 at 6:39 PM
Anonymous said...

So after the ants make the mildew-smell and booby-trap the ladder, one of them turns to the 400-pound gorilla and says, "Wanna clean out some gutters?"

(Okay, maybe it's more of a visual gag.)

June 21, 2008 at 12:55 PM
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