It was only a dream...

...or another installment of What I Should Have Said.

I seem to be a grand accumulator of such occasions.

I was kicked in the teeth today by something unexpected and disturbing. Very little in the workosphere surprises me these days, and yet I found myself leaving the building with my composure in tatters. I turned to one of the few people in the world that would understand why I was so upset. Because I didn't need sympathy. I didn't need pity. I didn't need to be patronized. It was what it was, and it couldn't be changed, fixed, or mitigated.

I just desperately needed someone to understand.

That need was fulfilled.

At the end of the conversation, I said "thank you", but I know that I didn't manage to express how much I appreciated the empathy and reassurance. I fall down in this category a lot - when I'm overwhelmed, I can't find the words to express what I really mean to say. Over the next hour or so, I figured out how that conversation really should have ended.

"Thank you. You have no idea how important you are to me. I wish you could see how much good you do, and know that you make a difference in my life. Your patience and kindness have pulled me through so many times that I have lost count.

Knowing that I can come to you without fear of judgment or ridicule is something I value beyond measure. You have always, without fail, been there for me when I needed you. I will continue to be your biggest fan - not only because I absolutely adore you, but because you give me countless opportunities to laugh, and just as many to not cry.

If you could see yourself as the magnificent, brilliant (respected) person I see, then every little thing in your life would be different.

Thank you. For listening, for understanding, for helping.

For being."

It's just too bad that I'm much better at writing than I am at speaking. I'll have to work on that, as painful as it may be.

Because some things deserve more than a blog entry.