It was only a dream...

I was sitting outside this evening, waiting for the fireflies to come out. They seem to already be past their peak, as I don't see nearly as many now as I did a month ago.

Fall is coming. As if I needed further testament, I looked up into the trees that surround my patio. All of the little helicopters hanging from the branches have turned a golden brown...a precursor to the leaves that will soon follow suit and fall to the ground. I should know what kind of trees the helicopters hang from, but I don't. I just remember being a little girl and throwing them into the air, blowing them higher, and watching them spin slowly to the ground. Perhaps if I had felt a remnant of that innocence tonight, I would have done so again.

Instead, I tried to slow my racing thoughts and listen to the birds chirp sleepily as they settled in for the night. I'm a bit muddled this evening, as tomorrow is going to be an incredibly stressful day - I'm testifying in my babysitter's divorce trial in the afternoon, and it has me genuinely spooked. I won't go into all of the details, but I will say that I'm not terribly thrilled about telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about what I've witnessed from her soon-to-be-ex-husband. It's the right thing to do, and I will share my story willingly, but the guy seriously creeps me out. I don't like the thought of making a psycho enemy of someone who lives just a few blocks away from me.

_________


I haven't been blogging lately because I've not been sure exactly what to write. Life has been very good to me, and I have no complaints - I'm dating a great guy, I've been promoted and given a decent raise at work, and A is home, back in school, and very happy. It just seems like if I write too much about it, not only will I sound like a total sap, but I'll also jinx my chances at staying happy.

Silly? Of course.

But I've never claimed to be the world's most rational person.

So tonight, as I sat outside and lamented the missing fireflies and little brown helicopters, I did something I haven't done in a long time.

I prayed.

I asked that I get through tomorrow with dignity and grace. I asked that I find a way to hold on to this new-found, refreshing happiness. And I asked God to let me find a way to still my restless mind and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, bringing me back to the angst-filled status quo.

I'll do my best to blog more often. It's good for me, and I've missed it. Thanks for hanging in there while I've been gone :)