About Me

Living life one dream at a time.

Words of the Wise

"What after all is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean."
-Christopher Fry, The Lady's not for Burning

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
-Mary Anne Radmacher

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
-Erica Jong

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you...We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us; It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Nelson Mandella, 1994 Inaugural Speech

"Until this moment I had believed forgiveness to be a special virtue, a beneficence God expected of good people. But it wasn't that at all. Forgiveness was an instinct, a desperate impulse to stay connected to the people you needed, no matter what their betrayals."
-Monica Wood, My Only Story

"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
-Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them—words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried when you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for the want of a teller but for the want of an understanding ear."
-Stephen King

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-Neil Gaiman, Sandman: The Kindly Ones

"Being always overavid, I demand from those I love a love equal to mine which, being balanced people, they cannot supply."
-Sylvia Ashton-Warner

"What I need is someone who will make me do what I can."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


"You know, when you crawl that far down into the abyss, you really shouldn't bring stuff back up with you. Some things are meant to live in the dark. Your blog is like one of those fish with no eyes. Only slightly more disturbing."
Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A work in progress

9:25 PM | Posted by Christine | Edit Post
A is at his dad's house tonight, and I have the house to myself. It is quiet, and there is nothing that has to be done before I go to bed.

It is amazing how just one evening of nothingness can recharge my soul.

I've been starting to burn out again, and I don't like it one bit. Why is it that I always have to push myself until I can't take anymore before I remember how to focus and put everything back in perspective? It's a vicious cycle that I need to break. I like the calm me. I enjoy the girl who takes things in stride and remembers to laugh every day. I want to spend more time with the quieter, more centered person who enjoys the small, beautiful things in life.

I know that a lot the problems right now stem from the bleakness of winter. The cold, dark days do nothing for me. The smell of grass, the warmth of rain, and the evenings filled with bird song and fireflies sustain me in subtle ways. I miss green. I long for lilacs. I pray for spring.

Bad things happen. Work takes over your mind, and people make you crazy. Errands pile up, and money becomes scarce. The house gets messy. Friends die.

How does one persevere and learn not to let these things take over? How do you maintain a sense of peace when all of those things drop into your lap when you're not looking?

I've gotten better over the years, God knows. Moments like tonight are more frequent than they used to be. I only wish I could find a way to stay in this place more often than not.

I guess all I can do is keep trying. I owe that to the girl who makes me smile...

1 comments:

Lola Takes Pictures said...

I think sometimes it's ok to drop out of the world and let the burn out die out before you can rejoin the living.

Winter wears me out physically and mentally, too. I feel your pain.

April 7, 2010 at 3:30 PM
Post a Comment
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Diseñado por Blogger Recursos Creado por ИЄИЄSIØ.