Sunday, March 23, 2008
Horrible Hilarity
My friend R in Portland posted this entry to her blog early this morning. It requires a password to read, so I've posted it in its entirety here with her permission.
R is another one of those people I would love to be when I grow up (even though technically, I'm older than she is). So, in her own words, here is R's secured ticket to hell. Enjoy, and Happy Frickin Easter :)
Eat me, Cadbury Jesus.
You ever get past the point of tired, where you start to believe you are awake?
I'm right there.
For the record, fuck Easter.
Seriously, my Mom is going to expect me to go to church with her. Does she go to the nice 11 am service?
Oh no, dear friends, she goes to the O'dark thirty service when Christ himself hasnt gotten his fat ass out of bed from the bender the night before.
I want to sleep in with Christ.
So, he is risen. Great. I want a new story for Easter. Its the same shit every year.
OK. So here is the Easter story for this year.
Christ was doing a couple of lines with Peter, when Judas was all like,
"Hey dudes, just got some cash! Lets get another 8 ball!"
Jesus and Peter were all like,
"Hell fuckin yeah!"
Jesus was so fucked up that he forgot to look both ways when he crossed the street. He got hit by a Walmart truck carrying toys made from the sweat of one little Indonesian girl.
That bitch killed Jesus.
Now go eat yer Cadburys, I gotta get ready in 2 hours.
R is another one of those people I would love to be when I grow up (even though technically, I'm older than she is). So, in her own words, here is R's secured ticket to hell. Enjoy, and Happy Frickin Easter :)
Eat me, Cadbury Jesus.
You ever get past the point of tired, where you start to believe you are awake?
I'm right there.
For the record, fuck Easter.
Seriously, my Mom is going to expect me to go to church with her. Does she go to the nice 11 am service?
Oh no, dear friends, she goes to the O'dark thirty service when Christ himself hasnt gotten his fat ass out of bed from the bender the night before.
I want to sleep in with Christ.
So, he is risen. Great. I want a new story for Easter. Its the same shit every year.
OK. So here is the Easter story for this year.
Christ was doing a couple of lines with Peter, when Judas was all like,
"Hey dudes, just got some cash! Lets get another 8 ball!"
Jesus and Peter were all like,
"Hell fuckin yeah!"
Jesus was so fucked up that he forgot to look both ways when he crossed the street. He got hit by a Walmart truck carrying toys made from the sweat of one little Indonesian girl.
That bitch killed Jesus.
Now go eat yer Cadburys, I gotta get ready in 2 hours.
2 comments:
If I ever build my time machine, I'm going back to about 29 AD and telling Mary and the others that "Y'know, the tomb will still be there at 1pm or so. Go have a nice brunch, maybe take a nap, then go check in."
That way we wouldn't have to suffer through sunrise services.
WF
I think I'd take Mary Mag out for a coupla meads and snag some tips on picking up those hard-to-get guys.
Then I'd pop over to Herod's and do the same thing :)